Archive for the 'Jokes' Category

Life in a cup of coffee

Saturday, October 1st, 2005

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to
visit their old University of Notre Dame lecturer. Conversation soon
turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and
returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups -
porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain looking and some expensive and
exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said:
“If you noticed, all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken up,
leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you
to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your
problems and stress. What all of you really wanted
was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups
and are eyeing each other’s cups.”

“Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society
are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the
quality of Life doesn’t change.”

“Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the
coffee in it.”

Hijacking hotspot

Monday, August 29th, 2005

I was just sent this video clip from Johan, it’s pretty funny (but it’s in Afrikaans).
Hijacking hotspot

MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

Thursday, August 25th, 2005

HERE IS SOMETHING FOR YOU TO THINK ABOUT…

MAYONNAISE JAR and 2 CUPS OF COFFEE

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle When 24 hours
in a day are not enough Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of
coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things
- God, family, children, health, friends, and favorite passions -
- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else — the small stuff.

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.”

So…
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

Too true…

Thursday, August 4th, 2005

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and they tracked her calves to their stalls.
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around the United States. Maybe we should give them all a cow.

CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why not give them the one from the U.S.? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it’s worked for over 200 years and the U.S. isn’t using it anymore.

TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the
Ten Commandments in a Courthouse?
You cannot post “Thou Shall Not Steal,”
“Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery” and
“Thou Shall Not Lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians…It creates a hostile work environment.

And Last but not least…..
George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart .. “Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she’s behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around;
Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her off to jail.”

Joke: Walk the dog

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

I quite enjoyed this one. I guess I’m appeased knowing that it’s not real and only a joke. Naomi didn’t appreciate this one too much.
Play Walk the dog (4mb)

Joke: Mommas helper

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

When the children help out, it’s sometimes not always at it seems.
Play Mommas helper (3mb)

Joke: Life guard

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

Judging by the title screen, this was an experiment (not real), don’t get too grossed out, but it’s pretty funny (at least in my opinion).
Play Life guard (1mb)

Joke: Ice scraping

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

I’ve been wanting to take a little video clip of the ice scraping ritual we do every so often during a Winter here in Minnesota, well here is a good example. This fellow though doesn’t seem to have an ice-scraper in his car which would have made the task a little bit easier… Play Ice scraping (0.5mb)

Joke: Here fishy fishy

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

This fellow is not Minnesotan, but he also seems taken to ice fishing… Play Here fishy fishy (1mb)

Joke: Marooned FedEx man

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

Some of you may have seen this ad, but here it is anyway, the poor Fed Ex guy is marooned on an island, this is his story… Play Fed Ex (2mb)

Joke: Cat and ceiling fan

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

This poor cat gets stuck in the ceiling fan travelling around in circles a few times.
Play cat and ceiling fan (300 kb)

Joke: Broken door handle

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

The repair man is busy attempting to repair the door handle on a glass door when… Broken door handle (3mb)

Steve Balmer loves Microsoft

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

I thought the technical people out there might like to see this.
Balmer Dance (3mb)